I slumped down into my favorite armchair as my two toddlers ran into the kitchen, screaming endless dinner demands at my husband. I knew I should get up and help him. He’d come home early to give me some time to myself and yet, even after an hour-long “break,” I still felt like driving away and never coming back.
While I loved my family and ultimately wanted the best for them, I no longer felt like I was the mom for the job. A familiar phrase blared in my head, drowning out any semblance of hope: I can’t do this.I can’t clean up at the end of the night. I can’t graciously respond to meltdown after meltdown after meltdown. I can’t remain present with them when they require so much attention all the time. I just can’t.
Many times, when we have hard days like this, faithful friends encourage us to look to Christ. But when we’re in the thick of it, feeling worn-out and hopeless, looking to Christ feels a lot like embracing the wind. But God is faithful to his children even when we struggle to be faithful to him. In this instance, he reminded me of a verse I’d read earlier that week.
“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:10–11).
We love because God loves. It sounds simple, fluffy, and sweet, but the meat and bones of this passage lies in the waythat God loves. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to “propitiate” means to regain the favor of someone. Sin stood in the way of us ever being reconciled to God. But because God wanted us more than we ever wanted him, he sent Jesus to pay for our sins, satisfying his just wrath and regaining our favor with him. He was betrayed, spit on, gruesomely whipped, made to carry a heavy load, had nails driven into his hands and feet, and was crucified all for our eternal wellbeing.
No one agonized over the cost of love more than Jesus. The scriptures tell us that he sweat drops of blood as he appealed to God to take away the cup of wrath (Luke 22:44). He could have walked away in the face of suffering but he chose to die. He spent every last drop of his life on loving a sinful people.
Love doesn’t always feel good.
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11).For believing moms, this meansloving humbly, proactively, sacrificially, mercifully, and generously when our people least deserve it. But the good news is we’re not left to live up to Jesus’ example on our own. Jesus abides in us to help us to this end. Because Jesus emptied himself for our good, we can pour ourselves out for their good, trusting that he understands the difficulty and has already lavished on us everything we need to carry it out.
It’s helpful to note that the cross didn’t feel good, because it means it’s okay that mothering doesn’t always feel good. The important thing is to bring those feelings to God and ask him for strength to keep going. His grace enables us to press in when we feel like giving in.
Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him (Heb. 12:2). By his grace, may we endure the hardness we experience now for the joy set before us—him, and the hope of one day beholding his glory together with our children. In this way, doing the next wearisome thing to love our people becomes worship.
So if you find yourself slumped down in a proverbial chair in your kitchen, tempted to drive away and never come back, ask for the grace to know more of the heart of Christ in sacrificial love. Ask God to allow your weakness to move your heart to stand in awe of the One who came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life for us. Let’s look ahead with hope that one day he will come back for us, removing all resistance to his holy love and making everything as it should be.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION/ APPLICATION:
When do you feel the most tempted to give up on mothering your children God’s way?
What sacrifice is the Lord calling you to make in order to do the next loving thing?
What would it look like for you to depend on Jesus in your moments of apathy, indifference, and self-pity? How can you lift your gaze the next time you feel like giving in?
Laura Hardin and her husband, Adam, reside in Landover, MD with their three little ones, Oscar, Laurielle, and Julia. She enjoys writing for her personal blog where she encourages women to abide in Christ by committing themselves to the word of God, prayer, and fellowship one day at a time. Find her on Instagram or Facebook.